Life Happens

Life happens. Just yesterday I semi rebuked my students for not having their reading done (AGAIN) because they used the excuse “It was homecoming! You didn’t expect us to read over Homecoming!” To which I responded, “I was at a wedding this weekend and drove to and from the west side and I still got my work done.” Boo Ya. Somehow they’re still giving excuses. Ah well. They’ll learn the hard way I suppose. I’m doing my job and I set the expectation early that I do my job and they do theirs. If they choose not to take advantage of the opportunities available I can’t force them.

            Anyway, I proceeded to educate them on the fact that there are going to be so many times when “life happens,” things that you don’t expect or plan for are going to happen and all you can do is handle them as they come and not lose sight of the obligations and commitments you have made. Of course, to a high school student, this might not seem so important to keep their “contract” with their teacher to do their work. After all, by signing the syllabus they are indeed agreeing to a contract.

           

            And yet how true this statement has been for me as a student teacher. Life has definitely happened and it has not been easy, nor all that fun. Today, after telling my mentor teacher that Tessie is sick and showing symptoms of neurological damage; stroke, tumor, vestibular, something etc he says, “Well you have had one hell of a quarter.”

            Under. Statement.

            Who knew I’d be telling that to myself again today. In chastising them I also pointed out that fracturing my tailbone wasn’t in the plan. Missing a week of work during one of the most strenuous undertakings as a college student CERTAINLY wasn’t in the plan. And yet, life happens. Poop.

            Let me tell you. Watching my 14-year-old baby girl collapse over and over as she tried to stand was terrifying. It’s the closest thing I can comprehend to having a sick child. I don’t dare compare it completely to having a sick baby… and yet that’s how it feels. Last night when I took Tessie out to potty and have her dinner she was brilliant. No symptoms. Nothing wrong. We sprinted back for dinner (because that’s what you do for dinner!) and throughout the night of being home nothing was wrong. How fast “life happens.”

           

            I did some research, thought symptoms looked like a stroke, (later on after further research and input from friends seems to be more like canine vestibular syndrome. Google it.) and then I woke up Nate. We sat with her and each time we moved she kept trying to follow us. After breaking down for a few minutes I got ready for work, told Tessie to “stay” laying down and Nate went to doze before taking me to the bus.

            All I could think and pray was, “Jesus don’t take my girl yet. I can’t handle it. Too much has happened. Please just wait until after student teaching and then anything and everything can happen and then I can fall apart.” I knew there wasn’t anything I could do at 5/6AM besides trust that she would be ok and try and figure it all out later and get on with my day.

            Oh. And did I mention that I was being observed at 8AM as well? Oh ya sure. My field supervisor (who is wonderful btw) was coming in to observe my first period class. Whoot. The crises seem to happen on the days that I’m going to be observed. And yet how faithful the Lord is to provide through those moments.

            It is humbling to remember that the statement “God never gives you more than you can handle” is complete hogwash. LIFE is more than we can handle! And that’s WHY we need the supernatural power of our Loving Creator. I am weak, frail, and prone to jumping to the worst possibly scenario. Relying on my own strength ends in a helpless, hopeless feeling; relying on and remembering to function under the strength of the Holy Spirit can embolden joy during pain, strength in weakness, and perseverance under the most stressful of circumstances.

            Arguably I’m not allowed to share this part of my life in a public school setting… but what a reality check.

            Back to Tessie… As I read information today online at lunch about different possibilities a line stuck with me as a lady shared about her dog having the whole vestibular thing. It usually resolves itself (thankfully) but she said (paraphrased) “An old dog is the best example of growing old with dignity.” How true. As Tessie was floundering I could see her confusion at what was happening, but as soon as she was lying with her head in my lap there was peace. And confusion aside, she was herself. She wasn’t depressed, she kept trying.

            How much we can learn from our loyal canine friends. I hope I’m learning them quick enough from my girl. I’ve had her for half my life. 12 years. And while I have been preparing myself mentally for the reality of her dying soon; the emotional reality is I am so unprepared. Life happens. And death happens. But please oh please Jesus don’t take her right now…